Marriage upon Graduation
Text
Are you planning to marry right after graduation?
"Marriage-upon-graduation" is becoming increasingly popular among young people in China today. Post-80s youth (those born after 1980), are especially embracing this trend, along with that of "having a family before starting a career." A study by Yinchuan AES Business Data Statistics Advisory showed that 23.5% of those surveyed married right after graduation, or planned to do so soon after. Reporters found that reasons for marrying upon graduation varied. Some chose to marry earlier in order to pave the way for career development; some wanted to find a partner to who they could depend upon to "fight for their bright future together"; and some married purely for love, as they cherished the relationship they had formed during college. "For lovers, the most romantic thing is just being together," said Yi Xiaofang in Sichuan Province, who married her classmate less than half a year after they graduated from university. However, in reality, life is harsh. Due to China's "one-child policy," adopted in the early 1970s, most post-80s youth are single children and, therefore, grew up babied by their parents and grandparents. Without a job, the young couples are constantly financially strained. "Getting married before having a job means the couple needs to rely on their parents financially. It's a very big problem," said marriage and family research specialist Zhao Yanzhen of the All-China Women's Federation in an interview with China Daily. Yi also said that though they may find a stable job after getting married, working in a new environment and with new colleagues will always take time to adapt to, which may unavoidably result in ignoring family responsibilities. "Financial pressures are the main threat to marriage. As the saying goes "life is hard for couples in poverty," noted Yi, adding that "most young couples lack a sound economic base. When I got married, my husband and I were facing great pressures for rent and other expenses." Nevertheless, "marriage-upon-graduation" is not good for nothing. "The pressure to form a family can also be turned into a motivating force for career development," said Ma Ping, who was once comforted by her husband when she could not find a job. Just like "naked marriages"—marriage without a house, a car, a diamond ring or a fancy wedding ceremony—only a marriage certificate, "marriage-upon-graduation" is now being gradually accepted. Yet, experts still suggest that graduates should not act rashly as the financial burden is usually heavy after marriage. "Potential after-marriage problems should also be considered before tying the knot," said Xia Xueluan, professor at Peking University. "Failure of such marriages may exert a negative influence on both partners and even shake their courage to move on."
Graduation Today, Wedding Tomorrow
Xiao Li and Xiao Wang (both aliases) are getting married, something which has sparked much discussion among their friends and acquaintances. "You just got your diplomas and now you are getting a marriage certificate. You are really trendy!" say their friends. When the two met as classmates at West China Normal University in their freshman year, sparks flew and their relationship has remained stable since then. "We are in love and we should get married. To us, that is happiness," said Xiao Li. Xiao Wang agrees, saying, "Campus love is pure and what we have is true love. Getting married at an early age is not a bad thing; we can face the ups and downs of life together." All around the world, graduation day sees many young college couples break up as each go their own way. However, in recent years, many university students are instead choosing to get married right after graduation, with some of them considering it an escape from upcoming job-hunting pressures. Finding a Safe Harbor Of the students who choose to get married as a way of avoiding employment pressures, many are girls, some of whom think that getting married, having a baby and being a full-time home-maker will not only solve their employment problems but can also become the main preoccupation of their lives. Li Shiyu (alias) is a post-graduate student at Sichuan Agricultural University. She and her husband got married right after they got their bachelor's degrees and are planning to have a baby as soon as Li finishes her post-grad studies. "Many employers are concerned that women employees' marital and maternity leaves will interfere with their routine work. That's why some companies stipulate clearly that they require male employees only or women who have already had babies," Li said. Li says that this is why she wanted to get married and intends to have a child as soon as possible. "So that I can devote myself fully to my career," she says. Her husband also explained: "Getting married actually cost a lot. We had to pay the bills for wedding photos, reception, housing and the upcoming baby! But we had to spend the money sooner or later and we decided we'd rather do it sooner." Wang Xiaoxiao, a graduate from Ya'an Vocational Technical School in southwest China's Sichuan Province, also got married after graduation. Her husband holds a stable job in a state-owned enterprise and earns a high salary. His parents are both university lecturers. Wang's reasons for getting married differ slightly from Li's, as her opinion is that women only remain in their prime for a short time and she did not want to become a left-over woman, the term in China for a woman who is past the optimal marriageable age. "Marrying a man with a stable job and good family background is like finding yourself a 'safe harbor', even if you have to be a housewife. Love is important, but you still have to eat and pay the bills. I don't want to constantly worry about money and material needs," Wang said. Avoiding the Left-over Stigma Wang is not alone in her fear of the left-over stigma. For the post-80s generation, this is an important reason to get married right out of college. As a result, the issue of marriage has encroached upon that of women's further education, as more and more women give up opportunities for postgraduate or doctoral education because they worry that higher qualification may make it harder to find a match. Media over-exposure of the left-over phenomenon is also partly to blame, as women internalize the message and subsequently feel pressured to get married. "It's common for people to form relationships early. Many couples who get married right after college actually began dating in high school or in the first two years of college," said Xiao Wang. "And girls have to think about their age issue. It is normal." Now a postgraduate student in Beijing, Xiao Wang had considered waiting until after she finished her master's degree to get married. But as her husband was so good on paper, she decided not to miss the opportunity to get married to him. "Many of my postgraduate classmates are in the same situation and share my views on the matter," she said. Marrying for Love Many college graduates choose to marry upon graduation as they feel that their relationship is mature enough to be taken to the next step. Most of them are in long-term, stable relationships and many began dating in high school. Some want to hold their wedding ceremony before becoming busy with job matters. One characteristic of this group is that they believe true love will be hard to find once they enter the real world. Xiao Xing, who is graduating this year, is engaged to his girlfriend of 10 years. They have been together since high school. "Grown-ups considered us too young to be in a relationship back when we were in high school. But we've worked hard to be together, and to get into good universities. Now we are graduating," Xing said. "We treasure each other and our relationship has lasted for years. It's the right time." Xing believes that he and his fiancé can overcome all the difficulties of life together and have a happy marriage. Economic Conditions Permitting "If you want to get married, you first have to consider whether you have the means to. Personally, I think that if both families can afford for the happy couple to get married, then the question of when is sort of moot," said Dandan, a college student who is not planning to get married soon. Although she is in a relationship, neither her family nor her boyfriend's can afford to help them set up married life. But she thinks that for those who are in stable relationships and can afford to, getting married early is a viable option. "It doesn't matter if it is sooner or later, so long as they are happy together," she said. Experts Weigh in According to Family and Social Relations Professor Zhang Shiwen from Yunnan University, the rising trend of getting married right out of college has roused the concern of many sociology experts. "These young people have only just finished their education. They have no job, no income and many can't even look after themselves. They still rely on their parents. Marrying so early may trigger economic, personal and career crises," said Zhang. She further explained that many fresh graduates need time to adjust to being out of an academic environment, and that they must consider seriously whether it is the right time to get married. Researcher Wang Dan from the Relationship Research Center of Jiayuan.com (one of China's most influential dating websites), suggests: "To use marriage as a way to escape from social pressure is like putting a time bomb on your marriage. Marriage is sacred. Girls who treat marriage as a meal ticket are irresponsible. And their eagerness to get married could make them vulnerable to unscrupulous men who might prey on them." She further pointed out that girls who become home-makers often lose financial independence and feel isolated from society. If the marriage should encounter problems, they are left feeling helpless. An expert from the Inner Mongolia Academy of Social Sciences agreed and said: "Marriage involves the changing of life roles, responsibilities and obligations. These young couples must think seriously before they make any rash decisions." The expert also says that as most of the young graduates who get married are still financially reliant upon parents, this allows room for parental interference which may cause marital conflicts and tension. Regardless of whether they choose to marry young or not, college graduates need to be independent and have their own life plans. As in most cases, gambling their entire future happiness on just one person is probably not the best bet.
The changing face of the American family: A conversation with JHU sociologist Andrew Cherlin
Andrew J. Cherlin, a distinguished member of the Johns Hopkins faculty in the Department of Sociology, joined the university in 1976. He served as president of the Population Association of America in 1999 and several years later was awarded a Distinguished Career Award from the American Sociological Association. Last week, he was selected to the 236th class of the American Academy of Arts and Sciences. But he began observing the subject that would become his life's work—the American family—in the cradle. The author of The Marriage-Go-Round and a frequent contributor to the op-ed page of The New York Times, Cherlin specializes in the study of marriage, particularly as the institution shapes, and is shaped by, life in America's cities. He has said that he very early "had the sense that American marriage and family life differed fundamentally from the other Western countries—Western Europe, Canada, Australia, New Zealand—in a way no one was writing about." In the United States, Cherlin says, there are more marriages and remarriages, more divorce, and more people living together for short periods of time before moving on than in all other nations in the first world of the West. "More in-and-out-of relationships than anywhere else," he noted in an online interview with Penguin Books upon the 2009 release of The Marriage-Go-Round, a comprehensive overview of marriage and family in the United States. "We step on and off the carousel of marriages and partnerships faster than anywhere else." At JHU's Homewood campus, Cherlin teaches Introduction to Sociology with two units on family life in addition to a seminar on the sociology of the family—always oversubscribed—that he limits to 15 to 20 undergraduates so, he said, "we can have real discussions." This on-campus conversation with Cherlin—the father of two, a grandfather, and married for the second time—took place in the coffee shop of the Brody Learning Commons on a bitter cold afternoon in February. "I don't give a lot of marriage advice," Cherlin said. "And I'm consistently turning down opportunities to be a pop marriage counselor in the media." In his own words, Cherlin shares what he has learned about the changing face of the American family. I was born in Hartford, Connecticut, in 1948. My dad's name was Alexander, and he was a wholesale salesman for Rheingold beer. My mother was Beatrice, a frustrated 1950s homemaker who became the administrator of orthodontia at the University of Connecticut dental school after her children were grown. I went to graduate school at UCLA in the 1970s and became interested in urban problems combined with the problems of families and cities. For several decades I dropped the cities angle and just focused on families. Now I'm back to both. It's hard to imagine a time before marriage in the world. It's like trying to think of a time before farming. The only inaccuracy is saying that marriage is just a few thousand years old. We know there was marriage in Egypt 5,000 years ago, and I would say it's likely 10,000 years ago, when settled agriculture started. Marriage is a social institution—it's not in our genes. Penguins might mate for life, but we're not penguins. We are now seeing a rise in divorce among older people, gray divorce. Yet marriage is universal, and it has served us well for a long time. Partnering is in our genes, nurturing children is, but marriage is a social construction designed to create unions that can raise and support children. The advent of this—a social contract to create legal families—is just a few thousand years old. There has been more change in the American family since I've been alive than any other time in human history. Divorce was very unusual in the 1950s. After the Depression and World War II, America was prosperous, and that generation turned inward toward home and family. No one realized how unusual the 1950s family actually was, and it was certainly better to be the husband in that unit than the wife. Those couples also made a lot more money than their parents. Marriage of that era was created to support the idea that a man was the king of the castle and made all of the important decisions. So the first major change since then would be the rise of women working outside of the home. That underlies all of the other changes. The male response to this was often, "I have to keep my wife in the house because I don't want other men to see her." The last half-century has seen the American family go from the breadwinner/homemaker model to the two-career family of the 21st century, in which the woman is earning more while the male would like to see himself doing as well as his father. But that isn't always the case. Next is the greater acceptability of children being born outside of marriage and the overall decline in the dominance of marriage throughout society and the advent of same-sex marriage. The problem in 1950s marriages was not defined until 1963, when Betty Friedan released The Feminine Mystique and called it "the problem that has no name." That problem was my mother's problem: the frustration of homemakers living incomplete lives. My first wife was a journalist, she had a career, and I could see my mother looking at her with envy. Marriage used to be the only path to adulthood for Americans. Now there are multiple paths. You can live with somebody and have a child with them. You can have a series of relationships or remain single your whole life without being viewed as a bachelor or a spinster—words that we don't use anymore. Even the word illegitimate isn't used very much or carry the stigma it once did. At the time my first marriage was disintegrating in the late 1980s, I was studying effects of divorce on children. Studying divorce didn't help me avoid one, but there are ways to minimize the effects of it on children, mostly by keeping the kids out of your conflicts with your ex. You must share your children. Which is very obvious except to ex-partners who are angry and hurt. Some think the weakening of marriage is a disaster for our society. For years, conservatives attributed the divorce rate to a cultural decline. Liberals said it was all due to economics. Now both sides have begun to change their views to see that it is both cultural and economic. And I see that as an opening for both sides to help with things like offering earned income tax credits not just to married couples but to young men looking for steady work. Right now you have to be low-income and raising children—not married but raising children—to get that credit. This is something both Paul Ryan on the right and Hillary Clinton on the left support, to expand tax credits to young men to encourage them to work. To be a good prospect as a husband you have to have steady earnings. White Americans without college degrees are doing worse than their parents did. Black Americans and Hispanics are doing better than their parents. But very few of any demographic without a college degree are good providers. This has led to short-term relationships that produce children but don't last. The white working class has adopted the family patterns of the poor, the black model of previous generations. Without work, the white guy who would have earned a good living at Sparrows Point [steel mill], married young, and raised a family is now having children in brittle co-habitation. He's mad that the jobs are gone and will likely vote for Donald Trump. College graduates are getting married later and waiting until after marriage to have children. They often live together before marriage but tend to marry the person they are living with. Their divorce rates are going down. The divorce rate for college graduates is one in three. For less-educated people, it's one in two. Tying the knot used to be the first step to adulthood and now it is often the last. If you were a young woman in the 1950s and didn't marry upon graduation, whether from high school or college, you were an oddity. Today, if you're even engaged by the time you graduate, you're an oddity. I ask my students what their parents would think if they announced before graduation that they were getting married. Almost all of them say their parents would be aghast. In the 1950s, those same parents would die of happiness.
Knowledge Graph
Examples
1 Reporters found that reasons for marrying upon graduation varied.
2 However, in recent years, many university students are instead choosing to get married right after graduation, with some of them considering it an escape from upcoming job-hunting pressures.
3 "Marriage-upon-graduation" is becoming increasingly popular among young people in China today.