Breakup Agents
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33 Ways to Get Someone Online to Dump Your Boyfriend, Fiance or Spouse
Breaking up is hard to do. If you do it yourself. The crying, the cliches, the platitudes – no matter how you cut it, there’s no right answer how to breakup. But when it’s over, it’s over, and whether you’re ready to admit it or not, the longer you wait, the longer you’re delaying the inevitable. Bottom line, the hardest part is letting the other person know how you feel. Usually that means inviting them out to a nice dinner and dropping the bomb in front of a crowded room of strangers. But if public spectacles aren’t your cup of tea, a handful of global online services can do it for you. Think of it like your own personal button man in the love mafia. In China, that country’s version of Ebay, Taobao, has 26 breakup agents, who charge about $30 a piece to tell jilted lovers that it’s over via phone call or in person announcement. Apparently, one of the agents was inspired to get into the business after watching the aptly titled South Korean romance “Sad Movie.” Here in the United States, sites are a little less personal, but just as plentiful. iBreakUp.Net lets your write a letter and then sends an email of that message to breakup. And if you’re feeling remorseful, there is an option for a makeup message (if you’re the impulsive type, this could be a good choice for you). The self described “a**holes“of iDUMP4U offer three services, including a grisly divorce breakup and engagement breakup, which they perform via phone. Rather email than call? BreakUpEmail.com does just that. Erase Ur X takes it a step further. The $0.99 cent iPhone app lets you create and send Dear John style emails, photos and video messages your soon-to-be ex, and then deletes their number from your phone. Need more? Can’t stop obsessing or checking on your ex online? Then there’s BlockYourEx.com which lets you type in the name of your ex and block them from Facebook, Twitter, Google searches and more. Should you move on or stay strong? That is the question, and Swedish underwear brand Bjorn Borg created a whole marketing campaign around that very question. If you wanted to break up, Bjorn Borg printed underwear with your customized message and sent it to your soon to be ex. Genius.
Ready for break-up? In China, lovers hire agents to part ways
BEIJING: In a bid to avoid the pain of ending a relationship, some Chinese have now reportedly resorted to a unique way of breaking-up -- outsourcing the responsibility to a middleman. At least 40 such "break-up agents" now advertise their skills in gently splitting couples on Taobao, China's answer to Ebay 'The Daily Telegraph' online reported. "Get rid of a difficult partner!" advertises one agent. "Keep damage to a minimum," assures another. For roughly 300 yuan, the equivalent of around 30pounds, they offer everything from a soft let-down by phone or an email to an active attempt to drive a wedge between lovers. And,For those customers who opt for a "platinum" service, an agent will show up in person, perhaps with a small gift to ease the pain. One agent, based in Zhejiang province, said he had helped around 10 couples end their romance. "We have a 100 per cent success rate or your money back," he said. In some cases, he added that he had managed to "apply some small techniques to create misunderstanding, or conflict, between a couple and just let that seed grow slowly. ptiand naturally until there was a voluntary break-up on both sides". The agent said this was a 20-day package: "We create the conflict in 10 days, propose a break-up in 15 and complete the deal in 20. Some people say I have no morals but I don't think this is a moral issue. I am not using any dirty tactics and this is just business." For the broken-hearted, there is consolation elsewhere on the Chinese internet, in the shape of websites such as Kaixin Fenshou Wang, or Happy Break-up, which offer forums for up to 1,000 users at any one time to share their misery.
Chinese lovers outsource break-ups No one enjoys the pain of ending a relationship, so perhaps it is no wonder that some pragmatic Chinese are now outsourcing the responsibility to a middleman.
By Malcolm Moore in Shanghai At least 40 agents now advertise their skills in gently breaking up couples on Taobao, China's answer to Ebay. "Get rid of a difficult partner!" advertises one agent. "Keep damage to a minimum," promises another. For roughly 300 yuan, the equivalent of around ?30, the relationship killers offer everything from a soft let-down by phone or email to an active attempt to drive a wedge between lovers. For those customers who opt for a "platinum" service, an agent will show up in person, perhaps with a small gift to ease the pain. One agent, based in Zhejiang province, said he had helped around ten couples end their romance. "We have a 100 per cent success rate, or your money back," he said. In some cases, he said, he had managed to "apply some small techniques to create misunderstanding, or conflict, between a couple and just let that seed grow slowly and naturally until there was a voluntary break-up on both sides". He said this was a 20-day package: "We create the conflict in ten days, propose a break-up in 15 and complete the deal in 20." The agent, who asked not to be named, said he had also successfully poisoned relationships on behalf of third parties. "There was one guy who was in love with a girl, but the girl was going out with someone else. He asked me to break them up," he said. "I charged him 500 yuan when we pulled it off and he gave me some stock market trading software as a gift. I do not know if he eventually managed to get together with that girl though," he added. "Some people say I have no morals, but I do not think this is a moral issue. I am not using any dirty tactics and this is just business." For the broken-hearted, there is consolation elsewhere on the Chinese internet, in the shape of websites such as Kaixin Fenshou Wang, or Happy Break-up, which offer forums for up to 1,000 users at any one time to share their misery. "Guys are very changeable. They say they love you one moment, then they say they don't anymore. I never quarreled with him, it was always a cold war. Then today comes the happy break-up," wrote one user earlier this summer.
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1 At least 40 “breakup agents” now advertise their skills on Taobao for ending bad relationships, claiming to keep the damage to a minimum.
2 To meet critical newsstand On Sale dates, Printer shall load skids with bundles of newsstand copies onto trucks on or before the dispatch times shown on Publishers Production Schedules (Exhibit E), such dispatches to be made without interruption during the shipping period so that all newsstand copies are en route to breakup agents or wholesalers in the least possible time.
3 Cropping up in the months since a Chinese rom-com called The Breakup Guruhit theaters in June, featuring a smarmy man who makes a living ending relationships, breakup agents act as go-betweens for clients who want to ditch unwanted lovers but don't have the time or guts to do it themselves.